Lobsters are crustaceans, like shrimp, and crayfish. They come from as far north as Canada, and as far south as the Carolinas, but the best are said to be from Maine, which is why lots of Canada produce is shipped through Maine, and then sold as Maine lobsters. There are also spiny lobsters from Europe and Africa. Like all arthropods, they molt, so there are soft-shell ones too. Pass them up, they have flavorless and mushy texture. Maybe I have a bias, being a New England boy, but our North American lobster has them all beat, and they all know it. Ha.
The females, or 'hens', are supposedly sweeter to eat, and generally have wider tails than comparably sized males, the better to contain the eggs. The lobster is a messy eater, but eating them is never not messy - not if it's done right. 'Done right' means digging into, and sucking out every tiny tasty morsel of meat, including the walking legs. You draw them between your teeth and suck out the meat as you go. Amateurs waste the best parts by only attending to the large tail and claw muscles and ignoring the harder to get at but more flavorful smaller legs.
Why the rubber bands? In close quarters they get cannibalistic. Eeew. They’re not to protect you, but to keep them from eating each other. Cold water lobsters grow slower, but have better flavor. Lobsters age very slowly. A yearling is called a 'chicken', with an average life span 5-7 years. Lobsters older than 7 years tend to be tough and stringy. One-and-a-half pounders are my favorite. Two pounders are good for sharing. The best meat is generally steamed or boiled (simmered) for a shade over ten minutes per pound. Have I bored you yet?
Now we get to the hard part: killing. No matter what you say, it's murder. We argue almost as much about killing them as we do about preparing. Say she's on my kitchen counter about to become dinner. I always try to get the females – I like them more. They taste better. I'm the executioner. As many times as I've killed and cooked lobster, it's never easy for me. I tell myself there's a painless way, and she will feel no pain, but can I ever be sure? You can set them into a pot of warm water which you bring to the boil, that works. Or, you can just poke them head first into the boiling cauldron, or there's the knife – quick, sure, painless. A large blade pointed down just to the rear of the head, and straight down in one quick sure cut. Instant death and painless. You have severed the spinal nerve. How you do it depends how you plan to serve them. Cold lobster as in a salad demands the boiled or steamed version, and dishes such as ‘Fra Diavolo’ or baked and stuffed require the raw uncooked lobster for the dish. A lobster once bought continues to live but it will consume itself so there’s no meat left, so best kill and cook it as soon as you can. As to doing it in: I prefer placing then in the freezer briefly to numb them, then the knife, no matter how I end up cooking it.
Last week I sent you the Obscenely Stuffed Lobster from the Monster. I hope you were able to make it this weekend. Following are a few classic lobster recipes.
LOBSTER ROLL: a New England classic. It hasn't changed since I was a kid on Cape Cod. Chunks of perfectly cooked lobster meat, some tangy mayo, salt, pepper, lemon juice, garlic powder, paprika, chopped celery, shredded lettuce, served on a buttered toasted hot dog bun. Tiny cooked shrimp added to the mixture can stretch it, for economy, as will cooked monkfish, but there is no substitute for the original all-lobster roll.
GRILLED STUFFED: A friend at the Pines loves to grill them over coals, split, slathered with Aioli Sauce, fresh herbs and bread crumbs. Lower the grill cover during part of the cooking. Grill over coals in a covered barbecue, or bake 400F for 10 minutes.
Sauce Aioli: (shortcut) To a cup of Mayo, crush 6 large cloves of garlic, add one whole lemon juice, and a teaspoon of red hot sauce. Set in the refrigerator for a few hours for best flavor. This sauce will keep for weeks and can be used as a great crudite dip.
Crumb Mixture: 1 cup coarse fresh bread crumbs, 1/2 cup freshly chopped Italian parsley, 1/2 Tsp dried oregano, 2 Tb. butter, salt, pepper.
LOBSTER FRA DIAVOLO: A la Chef Ernesto, Pines Yacht Club. Kill your lobster with a knife. Reserve the juices. Cut it in half, clean out the brain and stomach and set aside. In a pot you can cover, place an ounce of olive oil, a few live little neck clams, the lobster, and a jigger of brandy. Heat, and very carefully light the brandy, and allow the flames to die out. Add the Pastis, wine, and the sauce Ernesto. Cover the pot, and allow to cook until the lobster meat is white and the clams open. They may need some prodding. Serve over risotto.
Ingredients (for one):
1 1 lb. lobster, cleaned and split
4 little necks
2 large shrimp
1.5 oz. Brandy
3 oz sherry or marsala wine
1 oz. Pastis (Pernod Ricard)
3 oz. Dry White wine
6 oz Sauce Fra Diavolo Ernesto

Sauce Fra Diavolo Ernesto
(can be frozen, or used over pasta)
1 28 oz. can peeled plum tomatoes, broken up with your hands
1 28 oz. can tomato puree
1 cup water
4 oz olive oil
big pinch dried red pepper (pepperoncino), chopped
6 cloves garlic, crushed
2 medium onions, diced
3 stalks celery, sliced
the zest of half an orange
dash Tabasco Sauce
1 cup spanish stuffed cocktail olives, sliced
salt, pepper, 1/2 tsp. dried oregano, 2 whole bay leaves
Heat the olive oil, first add the pepper, then cook the garlic and onions. Simmer a few minutes. Break up the tomatoes into pieces. Add all the other ingredients, bring to the boil, reduce to a low boil, and cook 20 minutes. Cool.
Note: This sauce can be used with clams, mussels, pasta, and monkfish in the same way as for the Lobster preparation.

COLD POACHED LOBSTER SALAD
My Pines neighbor and good friend Annie Candreva shares her secret:
Poach a lobster for around ten minutes per pound. Chill and remove from the shell. Save the shells for a bisque, or for presentation. Whip a half pint of heavy cream to soft peak, and add some mayonnaise. Finely mince some onion, and soak in water for a few minutes, drain and pat dry. Finely mince 4 stalks of celery, white part only. Fold all in together. Season with Old Bay seasoning, salt and white pepper to your taste. Remember you want to preserve the flavor of lobster. Gently mix into the lobster pieces. Replace into the empty shells, or arrange on a bed of lettuce dressed with a lemon vinaigrette.

LOBSTER BISQUE - Romantic and elegant - It’s work, but worth it
2 or 3 lobster shells 6 cups water 3 tablespoons butter 1 rib celery, chopped 1 carrot, scraped and chopped 2 leeks, sliced 1 medium onion, chopped 2 tablespoons flour 1 1/4 cups heavy cream 1/2 cup lobster meat, cut in chunks salt dash of cayenne pepper Crack or grind up the lobster shells a bit. If you have food processor, break the shells up and put in a few pieces at a time until they break up in small pieces. Cover shells with the water and cook over medium heat for about 25 minutes. Strain. Should be about 4 1/2 cups lobster broth. In heavy saucepan, melt the butter and saute the vegetables gently,stirring for about 5 minutes. Stir in the flour and cook, stirring 1 minute. Then add the strained lobster broth and whisk until smooth. Cook gently about 20 minutes, until the vegetables are tender. Puree soup in a blender or food processor. Return it to the heat and add the cream. Season with salt, Worcestershire sauce and cayenne pepper. Add lobster meat and heat. Yield 4 servings.