Delivering the Comic Goods in CG
Story by Bruce-Michael Gelbert
Photos by Joseph R. Saporito

Panzi wore several figurative hats, as well as a couple of wigs, at the Arts Project of Cherry Grove’s annual comedy night, “Stand Up Cherry Grove,” last Saturday at the Community House. She was the hostess with the mostest, who introduced her colleagues and kept things moving; the comedienne, who shared blonde, Irish, nun and Rose Levine jokes and an interpretive dance, during which she dropped her pants, deliberately or not, between the acts; and she also served as punch line of some of the anecdotes recounted by her friends.

Dumb blonde jokes played a major part in the evening’s entertainment. “Timmy Boy” Webster, in overalls, asked, “How can you tell when a blonde’s been at the computer?” and “Davida Finisteria” (David Bullock), in pink skirt and blonde wig, answered, “There’s whiteout all over the screen.” Timmy: “Why did the blonde climb up to the roof?” Davida: “She heard the drinks were on the house.”

Political jokes were big. Sal Piro told us that George W. Bush, visiting a grade school class, requested a definition of tragedy. One child suggested that if a girl got run over by a bus, that would be a tragedy, but Bush said, no, that would be an accident. A second child ventured that if a whole busload of children were killed, that would be a tragedy, but Bush countered that that would, instead, be a great loss. A third child volunteered that if George W. and Laura Bush were killed in a plane crash, then that would be a tragedy. Bush, beaming, asked how the child knew and the child responded that it would have to be a tragedy, because it certainly would be no accident and it would be no great loss.

In a riotous bit, Sal asked how you know someone might be gay and offered such examples as, “If you know the difference between a soundtrack and an original cast album, honey, you might be gay,” and, “if you can spell Barbra’s first name,” “if you feel no need to use her last name,” “if you know exactly where you were the night Judy, Ethel or Lucy died” and “if you’re the only male sibling in a family of 10 and your grandmother leaves you the Limoges, then, honey, you might be gay.” (Need I explain that surnames of the aforementioned are Streisand, Garland, Merman and Ball?)

Identifying themselves as “culturally diverse lesbians” and explaining, “We like baseball and we like ballet” were Freedner twins Ruth, wearing a Mets t-shirt, and Susan, in a shirt depicting a ballerina in mid-jeté, who told of receiving a phone message inquiring, “Are you out watching men in stripes or men in tights?”

In lieu of limning vignettes out of Cherry Grove history, as she has before, Amelia Migliaccio gave the audience a multiple choice quiz, beginning with a query about the identity of the Grove’s first Homecoming Queen, in 1976. Choices were the tooth fairy, Peewee Herman, J. Edgar Hoover, or Panzi. The answer was the last, but “J. Edgar Hoover wore the prettiest dress,” declared Amelia, of the notoriously closeted, homophobic past head of the F.B.I. Panzi turned out to be the correct reply to all of the questions and one of these posited this writer “untying Panzi,” to which I could only retort, “Why would I do that?”

Our Mistress of Ceremonies showed a tape of a “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” episode in which Philomena appeared and kept stopping the tape to deconstruct and/or talk back to it. Pointing to Phil’s smile on the screen, Panzi observed, “See, she uses whiteout on her teeth.” The first phrase put to Philomena to complete was, “A person who overreacts is called a drama” and possible answers were “queen,” “bride,” “daughter” and “McEnroe.” Not surprisingly, Philomena figured out the correct one.

Philomena celebrated a milestone birthday that very day and her set, the climax of the performance, naturally enough included comments about aging.

“I need another birthday like this country needs another C average president,” she said, and added, “When my husband says, ‘let’s run upstairs and make love’,” she insists, “Make up your mind: I can’t do both.”