Saltaire Summery
By Hugh O’Brien

Don’t drink the water! Don’t go in the water! Don’t go near the water! Just when you thought it was safe to…. Oh. Um. Never mind.

In case you thought the summer was becoming a bit dull, and better still if you happen to own stock in Poland Spring, the public servants at the Suffolk County Water Authority inadvertently decided to instill a little distilled panic on the isle last week when they reported that routine tests to measure the purity of our sand bar’s drinking water suddenly, out of nowhere, showed semi-lethal levels of E. coli lounging around their microscopic poolside amid the usual indifferent bacterial mix. Acting responsibly, as they must, they immediately issued warnings that everyone in the affected communities boil their water before cooking, think twice about cleaning and bathing, toss all hoarded ice cubes to the plants and plovers, and in general stop drinking the stuff altogether—then report to the nearest distribution center where SCWA would dole out free bottles of Their Own Brand drinking water to the thirsty, clamoring throngs running riot in the streets. Sort of like “On the Beach,” literally, except with 16 oz. plastic bottles of tap water instead of L-pills.

Now, under the circumstances, everything was done correctly and as expeditiously as possible, and no one can fault the emergency procedures that were implemented. Only trouble was, there wasn’t (weren’t?) any E. coli anywhere about. As a fax Monday from EcoTest Laboratories put it, “It appears obvious that the recent spate of positive E. coli samples were [sic] caused by field or lab contamination by SCWA.” Subsequent testing by various concerned County authorities had turned up nothing but normal results, and by week’s start the crisis was over and people could go back to arguing about the World Cup head-butt. But the incident brought up some important points for residents of Saltaire.

First, our water system was NOT, repeat not, affected. Saltaire operates its own system, which is independent of every other on the island. It’s true we have valves linking our system to Kismet’s and Fair Harbor’s, but these are always closed except in case of emergency (a community’s water goes off line, say, or fighting a major fire causes a drop in water pressure), they’re long shut and don’t open automatically. So there was never any chance of someone else’s water leeching into our system and contaminating our supply…even had our neighbors’ water in fact been contaminated.

Second, Saltaire tests its water regularly, every couple of weeks, and the most recent tests showed our water absolutely clean—arguably among the cleanest in the state, even nationally. Since we control our own testing procedures and don’t have to worry about sampling ten or more other systems, as SCWA does, we manage far tighter control over the process than a large body like SCWA can.

Third, Saltaire has two wells, well apart from each other (one at the maintenance yard near the ocean, the other next to Village Hall), which minimizes the odds of our system ever becoming contaminated—if something should crop up in one well, it would be shut down and the other would take over; the likelihood of both wells developing the same difficulty with contaminates or any other problem simultaneously, while possible, is remote.

Understandably, lots of people were worried about the situation, and calls flooded the various Village agencies all weekend—the office, fire co., security, even the market and club. In an effort to quell any qualms and quiet any questions the Village papered the town with flyers stating that the emergency did not affect us, that our water was safe, and congratulating the accurate reportage of News Channel 12 on Long Island, which apparently alone among media outlets correctly differentiated between those communities affected (served by SCWA) and those not (Saltaire, and also Ocean Beach-Seaview, which like us have their own, independent system). All of which was fine, except that not a soul on Fire Island can get News Channel 12, a cable-only channel operated by everybody’s favorite provider, Cablevision (and then only if you also live on L.I.).

How much good the notice did is anybody’s guess, judging from past adventures—most folks don’t seem to read the bulletin boards or, in this case, the telephone poles, lampposts, street signs and occasional trees to which the hundreds of flyers were affixed. Calling is easier. Still, the pat on the back to good old News 12 did not avert a subliminal slap to all the TV, radio and newspaper reports that spoke generically of “Fire Island,” as if the place was just one big lumped-together mass mess subject to the same problems all over: we were okay, the Village’s signs concluded, “contrary to some media reports,” and in fact most of the reporting was oversimplified and made no effort at distinguishing problem spots from clean areas. That may prove to be the most significant lesson from this experience, a reminder to us all, in a land where rumors have occasionally been known to hatch and take wing, not to blindly accept anything one hears, reads, learns about or eavesdrops on at cocktail parties. Ask first. Plenty of time to panic afterward. And pay no attention to the media man behind the curtain. Rely only on the most solid of sources to get your local information. Read The Fire Island News. We report. You decide. Then we tell you why you’re wrong. Then you write letters. Then we shut down in September before publishing them. This is known as the free exchange of ideas. But at least this paper knows the nuances of Fire Island, and holds accuracy and the public weal sacred above all other trusts.

In Other News

The toll of Saltairians who have disappeared without trace in the vicinity of Clam Cove rose to 17 Monday, as state and federal scientists led by Dr. Clayton Forrester of Pacific Tech unearthed further evidence that nests of gigantic ticks, mosquitoes and bunny rabbits were being bred by aliens from the planet Astron-Delta as the precursor to an invasion scheduled to begin July 22. Dr. Forrester, chair of the Department of Martian Economics at the esteemed one-building university outside Mexicali, warns all residents not to approach any sand pit and to report any sounds of evil choral music or sightings of tentacled green midgets in glass globes to the Suffolk County Space Control Board. Further information will be provided in next week’s final, collector’s edition, pre-invasion issue of the News.

Let’s see the Village post a notice correcting that!

Meanwhile, night bike riding seems off to a shaky start, judging by the anecdotal reports filtering in from around town. Not only are a lot of people still riding illegally on walks where it’s not allowed (everywhere but Lighthouse, Bay and Broadway), but lots of others—natives, not fairharborians or kismeterians or dunewoodians transiting the place—are riding on the permitted walks without lights, at speed, unsafely. You’re blowing it, people. This experiment is heading for a crash—hopefully not a literal one—and it’s everyone who kept asking for it who’s going to get it—get it illegalized again, for a long time if not for good. Make it work now, or nevermore.

You can inquire, comment or otherwise hold forth on these or any subjects at the next Board of Trustees meeting, Sat., July 22, starting at 9 a.m. Actually, a trio of local laws will be under consideration at public hearings that day—two zoning changes, to fences and private docks, and a proposal to establish a constabulary to replace our longstanding Security Dept. (a constab estab confab for short; say it fast three times and your next night biking summons is on us). It’s the people’s business, so come in, participate, and don’t forget your makeup.

July 22, in fact, stands to be a busy day. Something worthwhile to do, although it requires a bit of effort on your part, would be to catch the FREE ferry provided by F.I. Ferries and voyage down to Ocean Beach, where the Fire Island Association will hold its annual summer meeting at the O.B. Opera House beginning at 11:00. A great deal of important information, news and updates will be made at the session, which many more islanders really should attend. The people who make the organization run work hard throughout the year helping protect all of our interests and it’s in your best interest to go in, listen, and ask questions. Crucial topics on tap include the Army Corps of Engineers’ Reformulation Project (for hurricane protection and storm damage control), FINS’s revised shore management plan, the proposed island-wide Erosion Control District, and more. The ferry leaves Saltaire at 10:35, and we emphasize again, it’s free both ways. It’s your home and your island—please—take the time to attend.

Intra-saltairially, the second TRNC nature demo takes place that same morning, 10:30 at the gazebo. Following last week’s hugely successful birds of prey exhibit, the next sesh brings us “Wild Long Island,” a live demonstration of indigenous fauna. Not deer, or even plovers, but nifty critters. Maybe someone will bring Wild Turkey. There’s a lot going on that day, but perhaps one parent can take the children to see the animals, and another can go to the gazebo gathering. Or one parent plus kids to the TRNC demo, one to the FIA, and send the au pair to the Board meeting. Something. Work it out.

It’s also the date of the Sunken Forest excursion—$15 per, limit 20, see the Office for reservations. And the YC’s sand bar picnic, too. But this year there’s another one in August, so juggle your time judiciously. Oh, that’s right, court’s on for that day, too. Whose calendar are we following?

Final reminder of the impending Bazaar—this Sat., July 15, 1-3 at the firehouse. You’ve been notified, advised, now I’m warning you—go. And no more mattresses! Just cupcakes.

House & Garden Tour, Sat., July 29 (rain date Sun. 30th—rain? here?). Advance ticket sale this Sat., July 15, from 11-2 in front of the Village Hall. Price is $20 per, up a smidge from previous years, but worth it—rising gasoline costs, you know, the usual. Limit of 100, which sounds like a lot, but this attraction is always packed and people have been turned away and sent off plotting and muttering. This Saturday’s your only chance to purchase tickets until T-Day itself, and they’ll be available then only if any are left, which makes sense. The tour starts outside Our Lady Star of the Sea; call Grace Corradino at 583-5600 for information.

Winners! Of the fishing tournament…Jim McCann, on John Zaccaro Jr.’s boat, caught both the biggest (size not known by our piscatorial consultants) and the most (33) fish; per his traditional generosity, Jim cleaned and offered most of his catch to neighbors and the Club, where some of the takings were on Sunday night’s menu; and RoseAnn Trentacoste, who landed the biggest fluke, aboard Ken Larson’s craft, which by a fluke is also named RoseAnn, in honor of the RoseAnn who lives, and most importantly, puts up, with the man Dubya fondly calls Kenny Boy. Re-read everything past the semi-colon, then explain it to me…. And the first tennis tourney, the Mixed-Up Mixed Doubles, mixed it up o’er the week’s end, with finalists Judy Rich & John Trentacoste yielding at the last to victors Jason Kunreuther & Irene Ferguson. Judy cautioned me against committing any mispelings. Judy, Judy, Judy, I’m too good for that.

I was going to give an events-of-August heads-up but…it’s still too early. Let’s not rush the season…. Say! Have you paid your taxes? Gotten your mail? Penalties for failure to do either await you, at the V.H.

Well, I’ll reference August by answering one recurrent question, when’s the Fire Dept. 4th of July parade? This year, promptly on Aug. 12th. Or 13th. Depends on the band, and Markus and Breuning. Sounds late, I know, but our co-organizers wanted it set so it could kick off the nation’s week-long salute in honor of the 60th birthday Aug. 19th of one of the great presidents, Bill Clinton, which Frank and Lauren, as shamed Republicans, will lead locally in atonement for the existence of the Bush administration. Should be cool.

Speaking of presidents, Gerald Ford will turn 93 this Friday, July 14, the only prez to reach that age besides Reagan; he’ll break the latter’s record mark if he makes it to Nov. 12. Jim Azzinaro and I and a couple of other Democrats were talking about Jerry the other night—nice guy. Here’s to him.

This is known as bipartisanship. Look, we hated Franklin Pierce, okay?

Dearly Missed

We lost an old friend, another nice guy, in Jack Sameth, who passed away last week at his home in Northport at 79. Jack’s career as one of the pioneers and innovators of television news is well documented in the many glowing notices published about him. We knew him as one of the nicest, kindest, funniest people around, a good companion, erudite, traveled, interesting, someone who loved this community. Loved and lost: Jack’s house, the storied “Gray Gull” on West Walk, did not survive the “perfect storms” of Dec. ’92 and March ’93; that marvelous old home fell first onto the beach in December, smashed, left to suffer a lingering demise before the second storm in March mercifully swept it to its rest. Jack, the last owner of one of Saltaire’s most famous old houses, salvaged what he could in the interim, though it broke his heart to see the damage inflicted by nature on his home, his community and his island. Jack never bought or built again in Saltaire, but stayed in touch, and many of us mourn and miss him; Jack’s passing, fortunately, was speedier and quieter than the Gull’s, which, like Jack’s life, is something to be thankful for.